Funny Teacher Student Jokes Funny Student Teacher Jokes

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

The teacher asked Student, "Why is your cat at school today?"
The Student replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once our child leaves for school today!'"
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Late Comer:

Teacher to Student: Why are you late?
Student: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Student: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Teacher to Student: Why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
Student: You told me to do it without using tables.

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

TEACHER to Student: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
STUDENT: A Teacher.

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied, “My homework.”

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Teacher: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
Student: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers...
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They are demanding ransom of $99000...
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Else they will burn them with kerosene...
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Plzzzzzzzzzzz donate...
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I've donated 15 liters...

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Teacher: What small bee gives you?
Kid: Honey!
Teacher: What small goat gives you?
Kid: Milk!
Teacher: And what buffalo gives you?
Kid: Home work!

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Kid: No, he did it all by himself.

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Teacher: Why are you looking at those monkeys outside when I am in the class?

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb. I got a detention after asking which end!

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Teacher: How old is your mother?
Kid: As old I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Kid: Because she become mother the day I was born!!

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Teacher: Why are you late in class?
Kid: Because of my parents fight.
Teacher: How their fight can make you late?
Kid: Because one shoe was with mom and other was with dad!

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

A teacher was telling his students how whales can be so big but with small throat and belly, so they cannot eat anything other than small fishes.
A 5-year old girl objected, "But in the Bible a whale ate Jonah."
Teacher: "No, that's not possible."
Girl: "Yes, it is. The whale swallowed Jonah and didn't even chew!"
Teacher: "I'm telling you, that is not possible!"
Girl: "Well, when I go to heaven, I'll ask Jonah about this."
Teacher: "What if Jonah went to hell?"
Girl: "Then YOU ask him."

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

When the teacher entered the class all the students were standing.
Teacher : Intelligent one's will sit down and the fools will remain standing
All the students sat down except one student.
Teacher: Why do you admit that you are absolutely a fool?
Student: No madam... You were standing alone and it didn't feel good to me.  

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Teacher: What is the difference between problem and challenge?
Student: 3 boys + 1 girl = problem
1 boy + 3 girls = challenge

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a
new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual
date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in
writing...
Deer sur,
If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass
I am not a good englis speaker.
This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint
your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time
lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. I tolded
I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to
give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on station masterji. He
said I to go to the lady clerk.
At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally
with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the
station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth
of my sun.
Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.
I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint
first. I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.
May God blast you!"
Yours awfully,
RAMKHILAWAN YADAV

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

First-year students at TexasA & M's Vet school were attending their first Anatomy class,
with a real dead pig.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them,
'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor:
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example,
the Professor pulled back the sheet, touched his finger in the mouth of the dead pig, withdrew it and put his Finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns putting their finger in the mouth of the dead pig and tasted in their mouth.
When everyone finished,
the Professor looked at them and said,
'The Second most important quality is "observation" .
I touched with my middle Finger and tasted on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention… .....
"Life is tough, but it's a lot tougher when you're stupid"

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Killing English:

Principal to student..." I saw you yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? "

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Class teacher once said :  " pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

teacher in a furious mood...
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

My manager started like this
"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
 

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers."
"That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

100+ Vastreader Funny Teacher and Student Jokes:

Useful:

Someone has rightly said, 'A fool can ask More questions that a Wiseman cannot answer'
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when teachers ask question..!

Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?" 
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time." 

Teacher: How old is your father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, and potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then, what is my age? 
Student: 32 yrs. 
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.


Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water?
Paul: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well!! You said it is H2O. 


Student: Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher: Go run after it.


Teacher: Ramu, get up. How can you sleep in my class? 
Ramu: I can teacher, if you keep your voice down.


Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?' 


Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!" 


Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?” 
Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.” 
Pupil: “Exactly!” 


Teacher: “I haven’t got no pencil.” 
Teacher, correcting him: 
“You don’t have any pencil.
He doesn’t have any pencils.
We don’t have any pencils.”
Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?” 


Teacher to Girl: “Why are you late?”
Girl: “I started late from home”.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you start early?”
Girl: “By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early”


Teacher to the Student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy?
Student: To keep the elephants away. 
Teacher: But there are no elephants here.
Student: See, how effective it is!!! 


Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre. 
Robert: That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it. 


Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn't. 
Teacher: Did he hurt you?
Nigel: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.


Teacher: How do you spell “CAT” 
Sameer: K.A.T 
Teacher: But dictionary spells it CAT 
Sameer: You asked me how I spell it?

Teacher: NAME 5 MILK PRODUCTS?
Student: BUTTER, CHEESE, GHEE & 2 COWS. 



Teacher: what is your father name?
Student: His name is BUTTER RED
Teacher: what?
Student: yes madam, his name is MAKHAN LAL!!!!!


Teacher: Who was Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Student: They all four were great friends


Teacher:"What is your name?” 
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai." 
Teacher:"When I ask question in English, answer it in English." 
Student:"My name is Sunlight."


Teacher: how were the exams?
Student: the questions were easy but the answers were hard.

Teacher: RAGHU, HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THE EARTH IS ROUND?
RAGHU: I NEVER SAID IT IS ROUND.


Teacher: Ritu spell "Blind Bird" 
RITU: B,l,n,d B,r,d
Teacher: Where are the two i's??
RITU: Teacher a blind bird doesn't have eyes!
Teacher: ????????? 


Once a teacher said to the children: When I will ask you a question, give the answer very fast. 
Teacher: What is the capital of India?
Child: Very fast

Teacher: WHAT HAPPEN TO GOLD IF EXPOSED IN AIR?
RAMESH: IT IS STOLEN, SIR


Rahul: Madam my paper is the neatest.
Teacher: You haven't written anything.
Rahul: That's why it is the neatest.


Teacher: Rita, please stand up and answer this question. Why did the calf cross the road?
Rita: I don't know madam. But I know someone who can answer this question.
Teacher: (astonished) who? 
Rita: Very simple the calf


Teacher: What is the capital of china
Student: You Know
Teacher: Yes
Student: Then why are you asking


Teacher: Who has read the 25th chapter?
Almost all the students raise their hands
Teacher: There is no 25th chapter in the book.



Teacher: STUDENTS DRAW A PICTURE OF BACTERIA.
Student: HERE IT IS MAM.
Teacher: WHERE? IT IS BLANK.
Student: YOU TOLD THAT BACTERIA CANNOT BE SEEN WITH NAKED EYE!


Teacher: 'WHERE IS THE HIMALAYAS” 
Student: I DONT KNOW."
THEN TEACHER ORDERED HIM TO STAND ON THE CHAIR THEN STUDENT TOLD THE TEACHER INNOCENTLY: I STILL CAN'T SEE IT.



Question: What is the full form of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students


Sir: How can you tell a hawk has good eye sight?
Raj: Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles


Teacher: Now, Sam, Tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Student: No sir, I don't have. My mom is a good cook


Teacher: What happened in 1869? 
Student: Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhi ji was four years old. 

Teacher: Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today?
Shilpa: Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teachear: Ramya,what about you?
Ramya: Madam, I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet. 


A teacher to a Parent: 
Teacher: Mam your son has cheated in his examinations.
Parent: You can prove that I am sure
Teacher: Well put it this way the first answer of your child's partner was yes.
Parent: So that proves nothing.
Teacher: But for the second question your son's partner wrote "i don’t know" and your son wrote "neither do I"


Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey with a stick and I stop him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.


Once a teacher with her students went to visit a zoo.
When the teacher saw the lion she told her students that the lion belonged to the cat family.
A watchman heard her and told her that the lion belonged to the zoo not the cat family.


Teacher: anu, can you name five things made up of milk? 
anu: butter, cheese, cream------
Teacher: yes, yes go on.
anu: and two cows


Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student: A holiday


Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No madam! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!


Teacher: How can you prove it that birds have sharp eyesight?
Student: Teacher, because I have never seen a bird wearing spectacles


Teacher: RAJU HOW WILL YOU DISTRIBUTE FIVE ORANGES EQUALLY TO EIGHT PEOPLE?
RAJU: SIMPLE I WILL FIRST TAKE OUT THE JUICE POUR IT IN EIGHT GLASSES AND GIVE THEM 


Teacher (taking an oral test): OK James, tell me how many mangoes will it make if I had 5 mangoes and you give me 2 more? 
James: 7, mam. 
Teacher: good, now tell me if I have 4 apples and I give you..... 

James: Sorry mam but I was absent when you taught the class word problems of apples and I forgot to copy it down from my friend.


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